Hey man sorry I got all grabby
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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