Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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