You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
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I swear to god he's a one man village people.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
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No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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