she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
