awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
