okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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