i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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