She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
