her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
