This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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