Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i out mim tonsoeep
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
