Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
