are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
