saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
