This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
