Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
