i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
