my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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