The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
