Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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