in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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