i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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