Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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