I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize