dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
