I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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