Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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