Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I didn't shave. On purpose
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
