so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
