just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i believe in u and ur pee
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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