We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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