I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize