tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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