That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
