i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
