dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
