Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Someone signed my nipple.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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