Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
