I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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