I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
