After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
