i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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