Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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