i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
