put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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