There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
