Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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