just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
