Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
