Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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