What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
