I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
