what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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