we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
don't judge my taste in strippers
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
