I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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