I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
