I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
