Please, let me fuck your mom
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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