you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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