i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
