Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
