Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
