My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
