I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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