is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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