Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
