this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
