It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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