You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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