glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
