I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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