so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize