Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
