some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
