i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
