Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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