there's paper in my vomit.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
