best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
