i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
